Months away

Well, I haven't really blogged in months. Work has been busy. CrossFit has continued, but my diet has been soft. I am staying within a 5 pound range, but I don't like it. I am ready to complete the weight loss portion of this journey.

Honestly, not eating the proper diet and CrossFitting is really frustrating. It just feels like you are beating your body up. You don't recover as quickly. You don't gain strength as quickly. You don't see results.

I am not an inherently athletic person. Let me rephrase that. I hate almost all physical activity. If I had my druthers, I would sit on my keister all day long and watch TV and eat lavish meals with people. That is the true Bethany. However, that lifestyle makes me feel like dog poo. My back hurts. I quickly gain weight. I don't feel good about myself.

So, I CrossFit and eat Paleo (and I am talking ideally right now) because of how it makes me feel. I love the people, too. I love the feeling of accomplishment. I love seeing my body change. I love being able to walk uphill and up stairs with no problems. I like fitting in airline seats. I like being able to look in the mirror at the hair dressers without going into a major funk. I like the results of being athletic. I just don't like the actual activity. There is a point in every workout when I think, "I really don't like this, I should quit and do something I like."

However, nothing else gave me these results. Not the elipitical or treadmill or body pump or zumba. So, I continue and pray that when I get to my goal I will hit a "CrossFitters high" where all the pain and huffing and puffing will feel amazing. It could happen.

So, I am writing this now because the New Year is two weeks away. I will start blogging, again. I will take more pictures. I will journal the last half of this transformation. I'm ready for it. I feel that focus kicking back in. Let's do this!

No More Scale!

I am giving my scale to a friend so that I will stay off of it for the next seven weeks. I am doing a Paleo challenge with the gym and I find myself on it morning, noon and night. I won't lie, even when I am not on a challenge I am on it every morning.

Unfortunately, the scale is once again dictating my worth for the day. I hate it. If I am up a pound, I am defeated. If I am down a pound, I am elated. One or two pounds can change how I feel about myself for the day. This is ridiculous. Sure, the scale needs to continue to head in the right direction and it can be a gauge to let me know if I am fueling properly to reach my goals, but it should be a long term gauge - not a daily gauge.

I have these weird mind games I play. If I am really good at work, I come home and weigh. If I am down below where I was in the morning, I eat a little bit more than I normally would have - like extra nuts or some coconut ice cream. If I am up, I don't let myself have those things. It's very dysfunctional. I have long term goals. It is taking a long time to reach them, but I am fairly sure it is taking longer because of this behavior.

I live a really balanced life now and my body is responding, but this scale thing is the last thing that is "weighing me down". If I am eating healthy and exercising, I should only really need to weigh once a month to make sure I am on track. This is forever, not just an 8 week diet.

Ok, I had to get that out!

The Boo-TAY Shots

Yea, so..these shots were taken a couple of months apart...not sure if I see a difference..what is the DEAL with the hips?! Come on body, start burning some fat from that area.

One-der Land

All I want right now is to get out of the 200s weight wise. Forget the Crossfit fitness standards - I want my frickin' weight below 200. Only 14 pounds to go. I can DO this. I can DO this.

Everyday Paleo

Please ignore the hot and sweaty look. What I would like you to notice is the SPAGHETTI STRAP dress. Stop eating spaghetti and wear it instead! If you had said I would dare wear one of these a year ago, I would have said, "Yeah, right." But, there I am. You can't see much in this picture, but it is proof.

I am going to start to post more pictures. I still have a hard time with pictures because I still have it hard wired to avoid cameras. It is hard to have a blog with just a few pictures - BORING! Here is another one from a Paleo night at Crossfit (I'm in the middle with the tank top):

I am continuing this journey, but it is also with the help of some incredible resources. One of these is Everyday Paleo (www.everydaypaleo.com). When I thought I might die of the boredom of grilled protein, veg and a tiny amount of fruit, in came Sarah's amazing recipes. They have been a lifesaver because this foodie wouldn't have lasted long without some variety.

I have tried the Marvelous Meatballs (and my Crossfit owner wants to pay me to make these for him they are so good)...the Speedy Peppers...the Thai Curry dish...all are good. Take a gander when you get a minute.

Continuing on this journey....

Paleo Challenge

I am almost done with a 48 day Paleo Challenge. I haven't been perfect. I had my birthday and the 4th of July in there...and frankly, life happened.

I was powering through and now the scale is going up/down/up/down. Agggh! I am happy I have made progress...but I really need to say no to all socializing and meals out to really get some good momentum..However, I am not sure I want to live my life that way - at home, monitoring my food intake all the time.

I so want to be at my goal, but sometimes I get so bored with the life it will take to get me there. I wish I had someone living with me who was doing this with me- that would make it more fun and would help with the socializing element. Maybe I can charge rent and take in a person who wants to do a 30 day Paleo challenge. I will cook and they can pay for their food and rent for a month..it will be like the Biggest Loser ranch...only the Paleo ranch. That sounds like fun!

Strange Phase

I am in a super strange phase. I am interested to hear if other people go through this phase when losing a lot of weight. I am in that phase where everything is off. My arms have a bit of definition, tons of muscle below the fat, and still a layer of fat on top. As I lose, it goes from strange places so I look lumpy. It isn't that I looked better with more weight on...it was just that my skin was smoother - now it is strange and lumpy. Some of the lumps are muscles and some are where the fat has vacated and the body has yet to refine.

Everything just feels off. I have no sense of my body anymore. It's great to go shopping, but it is also hard. What looked good at one time really doesn't look that great anymore. I have no concept of what size I am. I look for XXL in the regular sizes when I am actually a large. Clothes that show my form (not obscenely, but are more fitted) shock me. They feel odd. Pieces of clothing that never got too big (like underwear, slips, etc...) are now too big. My glasses don't look right anymore and my hairstyle is off. Everything is changing and it is both fun and exciting, but also just plain weird. I never really thought of how it would REALLY feel to change.

I don't think I look that much different, but I am on the edge of becoming a completely different person physically. Fit. Toned. Confident. After a year of Crossfit, I know that is who I am mentally and it is fun to see the body catching up with it. I can't wait to leave the 200s for good. I am hoping with this challenge that I can be out of them by the end of Summer. Once I break that barrier, I will be sliding downhill to goal...

It's funny...it's like lifting. If you count up all the weight everytime you add weight, you psych yourself out. Instead, just add 5 or 10 pounds depending on how the previous weight felt and let the chips fall where they may. It's the same with the weight loss. I had to stop focusing on my final goal months ago. Now it is just the 5 or 10 pounds I am on - and then I can look back and say, "WOW! I lost 100 pounds." Oh yes, I also want to hit 50 pounds because my sister will the come visit me and take me shopping! YAHOOOO!!!