My Heart Hurts

Why am I writing all this 'feeling' stuff on my Crossfit journey? Isn't it all about being a tough warrior? For some, sure. For me, it is about reclaiming my life from the clutches of a really nasty eating disorder. There are so many facets to this and a lot of them are mental and emotional. If you don't deal with the internal stuff, the external stuff won't stick - or if it does, it will occupy your heart, mind, and soul in ways it was never meant to do.

My heart hurts today because a dear friend is dying. The cancer is back and it is everywhere. It is devastating to watch a friend slowly slip away while losing her vision, speech, hearing. My heart hurts. Historically, when my heart hurts, I have soothed it by eating. I want to eat that heart cookie. I want to feel the sugar rush through my veins and I want to feel it soothe me. I do not want to feel these emotions. I want to numb them. I want to distance myself from them. I want to forget them...to replace them with other thoughts - of remorse, regret, or guilt.

It has been minute by minute today. Deep breaths. Water. Prayer. Life comes at you hard and fast. To feel the joy, I must feel the pain. I must face and embrace this sorrow - sometimes one minute at a time. My heart hurts today and that's ok. It should.

Gonna Workout Like It's My Birthday!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! I love it when kids sing the Happy Birthday song to themselves. Life is a big ole' gift. We should celebrate it - all of it - the good, the bad, the indifferent....because each day is a gift and a chance to receive God's amazing grace and mercy. Nothing finer.

I did hit Crossfit today. Why wouldn't I? I want to celebrate my life the right way! I finished today's workout in honor of my 37th birthday at 18:37. Here's what we did today:

3x 25 pound overhead presses - 12/10/10

WOD
Overhead carry for 40 M (25 pound plate)
30 wall balls (8 pound)
Farmer's Carry (uneven load carrying) (30lb/20lb)
5 reps for time - 18:37

Now, my belly finally rumbleth for food....yesterday I had no appetite from a migraine and a weekend of fatty starches. Back to the omelettes people.

Oh Happy Day - life is good.

Progress

Last night I invited my guy for a walk. It was a big step for me. I usually prefer to walk alone or with my girlfriends. There is a part of me that doesn't want him to see my weakness - all out of shape, sweaty, and suffering from cotton mouth. It doesn't really bother me at Crossfit because the people there know I have goals and that I am improving (and they are all spent, too). I don't know, there is something really personal about letting a guy into this part of my life.

He honestly could care less. He loved going on a walk with me. He was sweating. I was sweating. It was 100 degrees. Everyone was sweating. We walked and talked and it was no big deal. I felt like that one walk brought down more walls than hours spent other ways.

That is part of the mental process I am going through. I know I want to live an active lifestyle but I have to break through self-limiting thoughts. So manyof them echo back to the embarassment of never measuring up physically - in sports, appearance-wise, etc. If you get enough negative feedback (real or perceived), you eventually start to limit doing those things. Unfortunately, you build your own prison at that point. You don't get to fully experience or enjoy life.

I did a lot of mental, emotional, and spiritual work before I joined Crossfit...but now Crossfit is helping me to improve in all of these areas plus the physical. I could never have anticipated how much it would help.

I am very thankful right now.

Craving

FINALLY, I am craving quality protein (we can debate on whether lobster is quality or not later), veggies, fruits, and high quality fats. I don't want the junk anymore. Who is this person? What did you do with Her Royal Chubbiness?

Last night, we went for barbeque and I got baked beans thinking it was the lesser of the evils. Um, pain. Horrible pain. Well, there go legumes. One food at a time.

Soon, I start working with Jason on nutrition. Not sure how I feel about that one. I like to eat more primal than paleo...maybe we can come to a compromise (although everytime we try to come to a compromise, I end up doing it his way..hmmm).

Deer Park That's Good Water

Call me camel. I need water. Lots of water. (ok, I know that was a flawed analogy because camels don't need water..that's the point of them being in the desert - the way they store water). Anyway, I need even more water now that I Crossfit. You know when I need water the most? After I have eaten out. Why? BECAUSE THEIR FOOD IS LOADED WITH SALT. All I can taste is salt. This girl does not need any additional bloating, people.

Like I said before, my nephew is in town. His Mom is a fantastic, Italian cook. He wants to eat out. Southern food. Lots of Southern food. This is probably the only chance I will have to spend alone with him, again. Soon he's off to college. Life. Marriage. Children. I am not going to say, "Mark, can we just eat in or have a protein shake?" So, I have to ammend what I wrote yesterday. There are times that others will choose my restaurants and I will go along with it because it's the exception to the rule.

I am making the best choices (minus one HOT Krispy Kreme donut and a small glass of milk) and am drinking gallons of water. Maybe I can con him into a walk later....I'll need to spin a tale of a southern landmark...hmmm...

Where's my water bottle?

Regret

Last night I went out with a friend for dinner and she picked the restaurant. It was a meat and three kind of place. The meats were battered and fried and vegetables were mac and cheese and the like. I am not 100% sure why I thought that chicken and dumplings was the best choice, but I did. I got a small bowl and a piece of cornbread.

First of all, the cornbread tasted rancid. I was SOO hungry (had gone 6 hours without eating - too busy at work to get my snack in) so I ate it. Why oh why? Then, I had the chicken and dumplings - and I regretted it all night into this morning. For the first time in over a month, I had acid reflux, gas, nausea, etc. WHAT was that?!

I am eating a lot of good fats...so maybe it was the bad fat...or maybe the flour. Regardless, the experience will move me to pipe up on restaurant choices in the future...or to better prepare ahead of time so I can limit what I eat there. It isn't about being strict, it's about feeling well. I didn't enjoy my evening because I felt so bad. I feel better when I eat Paleo/Primal. Feeling good is a great thing!

My performance in the gym this morning was awful. I convinced myself that all I had to do was the warm up. I was so tired and weighed down by that meal. I did the warm up and then did bench presses, supine ring pulls, kettle bells and dumbbell bench presses. I am happy I went. That was five days this week! Way to go, me! (I'll take it where I can get it)

My 17 year-old nephew is coming into town this weekend...can't wait...not sure why he wants to hang out with his aunt all weekend..but sure am happy he does!

My Crossfit Motto

Just because I cannot do everything does not mean I should not do anything. (Helen Keller)

Hitting a goal

I have officially lost 10 pounds. I know my stats say 9.8 pounds but I estimated 253 - I am fairly sure I was even higher. So, today I celebrate 10 pounds down!

Jason says not to focus on the scale because there is a lot of muscle/fat exchange. The true story will be told on my next body fat assessment. Still, do a little happy dance for me today. I now have only 90 pounds to lose. Actually, maybe less because of the amount of lean muscle the body fat test said I had. I think 70-80 pounds now would put me in a great place. Regardless, it is one day at a time, one meal at a time, one workout at a time. One foot in front of the other.

That is what I am learning. Meeting your goals is making the right decision in the moment. Eventually, the right decisions add up to big accomplishments. This is true pretty much anywhere. If you consistently make the right decisions at work, you will eventually meet your career goals. If you consistently make the right decisions in relationships, you will eventually have fulfilling, loving relationships. If you consistently make the right decisions financially, you will eventually have a strong financial portfolio. If you consistently make the right decisions spiritually, you will have love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control.

Sure, things come along - the tsunamis of life. They blow us off course and we are devastated, but the quickest course to recovery is going back to making the right decisions in the moment. Day in and day out. Day in and day out. The right decisions. Not the 'feels good in the moment' decisions. Not the 'easy way out' decisions. The right, hard, sometimes gut-wrenching, pride-swallowing, selfless (and even sometimes selfish) decisions. Day in and day out.

This is just the beginning folks. Just the beginning! Glad you are along for the ride. Is there a place in your life where you could make a different decision today to better your future? Give it a try.

HAWT and Healthy

Today's WOD:

Row 1,000 meters
150 Abmat sit ups (others could do 100 GHD)
150 Sledge Hammer Swings (8 lbs for moi)
250 Rowing (200 double unders or 1000 single unders for others) (I did this 3 times)
FOR TIME - My time: 41.14...

The girl who barely made it through the warm up five weeks ago and four weeks ago could barely do 4 sledge hammer swings did the warm up plus the above. REALLY?! My lower back tells the story of those sit ups.

I got home from work today and got the new issue of Health magazine. Christina Hendricks (Mad Men sexy redhead) is on the cover. That is my idea of beauty. Soft, curvy and gorgeous. I want to be fit, but I want curves. I was excited that they featured her as hot and healthy. Nice. I admire the HARD body girls at the gym. They look HAWT, too....but I feel best a little fleshy and hourglass. Doesn't mean I can't be fit at the same time, right?

Granted, I have a LONG way to go before I have to think about that fine tuning. However, it's good to see a picture of where I want to be someday. Keeps me focused on the end game. Love it!

I'm Shrinking...

My weight loss starts from the head down. I will look like a scarecrow to my waist and still have the same ole' monster hips. Agggh! I have one loss to report that I will only report on this blog (and to my girlfriends in real life). I have lost one cup size in my chest. Of course I would, they are all fat...but I wasn't expecting it to happen so quickly. I had to buy all new bras.

I like my curves - I don't want to be flat. Here's to hoping this trend stops after another cup and my butt gets the rest of the love.

Well people, results are results!

Mise en Place

When I get home from Crossfit, I am HUNGRY. I have dinner at 6 and then I workout at 6. Ok, I do have five raw almonds before I workout. Otherwise, I feel SICK when I finish. Trial and error. I burn those almonds in the warm up.

I need time to cool off before jumping in the shower so I get everything prepped for breakfast. It also prevents me from saying, "Oh, I don't have time, I'll just grab something at work." It's all there - ready to go when I am ready.

I love omelets. Today's choice is baby bella mushroom and onion with a sprinkling of basil. Delicious and on plan. I also had a cup of tea. I am off coffee but still need one cup of something warm in the morning. I'm so deprived, right ; )

Today's workout will have to be posted once I see it online. I am horrible at remembering the names of these moves.

Happy Tuesday, folks!

Random Wounds

I love how everyone in this picture has a laser-like focus on the task at hand. In this moment, I am rowing - there is nothing else I am thinking about - just the rowing.

I randomly wound myself everyday at Crossfit. These aren't warrior fitness wounds. They are pathetic 'my shoes suck' and 'I hit myself with a kettleball' wounds. More pain has been brought on by my stupid shoes than anything else. I tried Chuck Taylors but they rub my feet raw on top when I row...not sure why.

My knees are constantly bruised from burpees. You may ask how one bruises their knees while doing burpees. It happens when you repeatedly have to get up using your knees because you aren't strong enough to jump back up yet. (but I'm getting closer)

I also have a ripped area on my thumb from burpees...the stupid mats are torn up in spots and my hand always finds that particular spot.

These are wounds I can handle. Thankfully, Jason works hard to keep me from truly injuring myself by watching form.

By the way, I promise I own more than that blue top - I just haven't had a chance to buy better workout wear yet. BUY THE SWEAT WICKING KIND - TRUST ME.

Supportive Friends

I honestly have the best friends in the world. My birthday is next week and that comes with a lot of celebrating in my group. There are multiple lunches and dinners. However, my friends all know how serious I am about my goals. I am in this to win this. There are two reasons I don't want to go off the rails this birthday. They are:

1. The workouts feel so much harder when you eat junk
2. I am just now starting to see changes, I do NOT want to go backwards.

With this in mind, my friends have been really creative. One came over Saturday morning and made me an omelet and a salad I have been dying to try. Delicious lunch, great conversation, and I stayed on track. My two best friends have suggested getting together to cook dinner instead of our usual Mexican. I sense a 'Green Egg' steak is in my future.

The one birthday meal I will have that is off plan is Taqueria del Sol and a few bites of cake from A Piece of Cake. They are my two favorites and I will have them once and move on.

Today's WOD was called "7" in honor of 7 fallen CIA agents while on duty in Afgahnistan:

7 overhead presses with dumbbells (I used 15 pound bells) - others did handstand pu
7 Thrusters (25 lbs for me)
7 Abmat sit-ups (others did heels to head)
7 Deadlifts (70 lbs for me)
7 Burpees (I am going to get these things)
7 Kettlebell swings
7 Supine ring pulls (others did pull ups)

I did 4 rounds in 30 minutes - you were supposed to do 7...not sure anyone did. I like knowing why a workout was created - when I was tempted to give up, I would remember those who lost their lives for our freedom - my freedom to do this - and then I would say a prayer for their families - that God would provide for all of their needs according to His riches.

Monday is on...let's do this!

My Favorite Part of the Day

My very favorite part of the day is the ride home from Crossfit. I roll the windows down, turn the music up and enjoy the feeling of accomplishment - all done by 7:00 a.m.

Friday Fun

I stopped myself from being unintentionally yet highly inappropriate this morning. We had to do 15 Wall Balls with leather medicine balls. The exercise itself is bearable. The thing that puts me over the edge is how wet and sweaty the balls get - just drenched with everyone's sweat. So, I am approaching the wall when I see that the balls are particulary bad and I ALMOST SCREAMED (get this), "I AM SO SICK OF ALL OF THESE SWEATY BALLS!"

Thankfully, I caught myself right as the first word was about to come out. Not really something I want to scream in a room of sweaty men.

Today, we did tons of burpees, kettlebells, wall balls, and sit ups. I'm fairly sure that general movement will slow down tomorrow.

Here's to the weekend!
Bethany

Perspective

It is so easy to get bogged down by the superficial things in life and to lose sight of what really matters. Then, in an instant, your perspective shifts. The 'thing' that seemed so important a moment before holds no weight whatsoever. Think 9-11. Think of the day the Space Shuttle exploded. Think of the day someone near to you died suddenly. Think of the day you were diagnosed. Think of the day she/he left. Think fo the day day you met him/her. Think of the day your children/grandchildren were born.

What does this have to do with Crossfit? More than anything, I think this whole program has to be kept in perspective. Why are you doing Crossfit? What is your ultimate goal? Is it all about you or is there a bigger goal? It feels great to hit those performance metrics and to lose those inches, but is that enough?

My mind wanders a lot to our military, our law-enforcement officers, and our firemen when I Crossfit. For them, Crossfit is about getting fit but the goal is so much larger. Their strength, their stamina, and their agility are being used to protect others -- US. Whether they realize it or not, this training is ultimately for someone else. That may not be their perspective right now, but in an instant it will become clear. When they carry a person from a burning building. When they are in the line of fire and must drag a wounded brother or sister from the field. When they are apprehending a suspect. When they are part of a search and rescue team.

I do Crossfit so I can give more to others. I want to be thinner. I want to be better looking. I want to be stronger. But most of all, I want to get outside of myself. I don't want to be trapped or limited by my body. I want to live for others--to help them, and to love them. So, the days I want to quit, I remember that it isn't about me. It's about that moment when I realize I can go the extra mile for someone else because of what I do in that gym every morning.

"MAX"

Today's workout was in honor of Jason's old dog, Max- who went on to greener pastures at the age of 15. I hope he wasn't pulling my chain on this one. Regardless, we did 15 of every exercise.

WOD - AMRAP for 30 minutes
15 Supine ring pulls (others did pull-ups)
15 Thrusters (25 pounds)
15 Bench presses (others did push-ups)
15 Kettle Bells (10 kg - I think)
15 Burpees (we are not friends)

I did 3 rounds - the last round was for Max.

By the way, what were those grunting noises coming out of me when I was swinging those kettle bells? So unnecessary...but just came from my core. I had to throw those things up with my hips because my arms stopped functioning in the last round.

Here's to two days down, three to go!

"I Don't Sweat"

I want to invite my friends who boast, "Oh, I just don't sweat" to do Crossfit. Granted, I 'glow' with the slightest exertion...but no one leaves Crossfit Soft n Dri. I leave purple-faced and soaked. Everyone else, soaked.

I was a little too free this weekend with my eating. At first, I worried about it because I would not lose weight as quickly...but this morning something else became clear. Training is HARDER when you are eating Krisy Kreme donuts. It wasn't like I pigged out all weekend..but I had more carbs and sugar..and I felt it today. Eating for performance - that's a curious thing.

Today we did the following work out - I did it with no modifications (well, the Turkish get-up thing got cut short cuz I had to go. However, the core workout was this:

AMRAP (as many reps as possible)
5 Clean jerk ups ..something
10 Wall Balls
15 Ball Slams (I likey these but boy do they get my heart rate up)

In 20 minutes, I did it 6 times!

Then we did Turkish get ups - I suppose this is a miliatry move because it looks like you could get up and shoot someone with this move - but who knows.

Well, I wrote this in hopes that I would stop sweating but I have not - I have an early meeting so I will just have to deal with it and go get ready.

Happy Monday, people. Make it count.

Crossfit=Laundry Piles

Yesterday I came home from Crossfit and this is what I found:

First of all, I NEVER leave drawers open...this is a sign of complete fatique for me. Second, there are no clothes in my drawers. Why? They are all a sweaty pile in my laundry room after a week of workouts. I have never done so much laundry in my life. It's like I'm raising a toddler. Crossfit=sweating through your clothes=laundry piles. Therefore, Crossfit=laundry piles.

Today, I am thankful for rest days. This, my friends is what a rest day looks like at my house (well, after grocery shopping and three loads of laundry):

Ahhhhh....I feel a nap coming on.

Hell ya...

You know what I love? Sweaty forearms. Random, I know...but I feel like I have REALLY worked it when my forearms get sweaty.

Anyway, I am gaining strength quickly. Hell ya! I could barely do five sledge hammer swings 2 weeks ago and today I did 60...SAY WHAT?! Granted, I am still working on perfect form - love that OCD Jason who always points out room for improvement. Still, the form was on most of the time (except when he watches me).

I really want full range of motion on my squats. My weight coupled with my flexibility (and lack of strength) have prevented me from getting full range. My goal is to get there SOON! I am going to practice in front of a mirror. I don't want to have huge quads and that's it by staying too shallow.

Workout of the Day (WOD)
20 squats (weighted back squats for the others)
20 box step-ups (jumps for the others)
20 suppine ring pullups (I did those)
20 sledge hammers on tires (I did those, too)
row for 500m - everyone else ran...I row, row, rowed my boat.
Do three times in 30 minutes.

GUESS WHAT?! I did three times in 30:46. HELL YA! I don't care if you warriors shrug and say, "It was modified - you should have done better"...I nailed it for me...I have come so far in three weeks and I love it. That is what keeps me going. Take that away from me and it becomes about being like someone else..and that ain't my goal...my goal is to be the best me and today I felt like I was!

Tonight I have a night out with friends and tomorrow...get this....RESSSSSTTTTTTT! Wahooo.

Getting Out of Bed

The hardest part of going to Crossfit in the early morning is getting out of bed. Once the feet hit the floor and I splash some water on my face, it's on.

I have done four days straight. Today was a little bit of a breather -a strengthening day. That's good because last night I walked for 40 minutes with a friend and tonight I have an hour walk pushing a stroller. I needed to let up a little. I tell you what--I look forward to Saturday this week! The great thing is I feel so good about rest days because I worked hard during the week.

WOD
10x2 bench presses (45 pounds)
Then
30 bench presses (50 pounds) (the rest did 50)
50 chest presses (instead of pushups)
30 close hand pushups (to get the triceps) - the rest did 50 dips
2 rope climbs (um, yea, I didn't even try it)

Tonight, I get my body fat tested. I can tell you right now that it's 2. 2 much.

Today, I weighed and I lost .2 pounds. Yea...that's not really what you want after a week of busting your butt...but I know I am doing everything right so I'm not worried. Time will tell.

Alrighty, folks, get out there and seize the day.

From Toxic to Tired

I ended up with a migraine yesterday. I guess I felt toxic for a reason! C'est la vie. The pain, bad, but the fatique is what really gets me. I always want to stay in bed the whole next day. Unfortunately, that does not work for me. So, I got up and went to Crossfit this morning. I had to force my body to move but move it did!

Today, we added deadlifts to the warm-up. Oh deadlifts. I have such a hard time with the form. Let's face it - I am just not coordinated. To coordinate my legs, arms, head, neck, back and breathing while lifting is a feat. Right now I am trying to learn the right form and am then counting on muscle memory to kick in as I continue to override my inadequacies.

It dawned on me this morning - I am actually doing the Workouts of the Day. Modified but not a whole different workout. Here was today's WOD (my style):

5 Burpees (I did a much better job of falling on the ground this time)
10 Deadlifts (30 weight plus bar - I think that's 75 - not sure)
15 Ab-mat sit-ups
20 box step ups (others did double-unders)
At some point we had to row 1,000 meters. SAY WHAT?!

AMRAP 30 - I did 4 reps and YES I rowed 1,000 meters.

WAHOO! I had to push to get the fourth round out today but boy did I push it out. LOL! Ok, I have to get up and get ready. The fatique plus the work-out have made moving a chore...but I have a 9:00 meeting. Agggh.

Toxic

I feel toxic this morning and I am blown up like a tick. My pants are TIGHT. I know my body is changing and this is just part of the process but holy cow. I want to feel GREAT. This morning's workout was all about the upper body. I think. I am never 100% sure what we are targeting. I am pretty sure it was a strengthening day. How's that for good Crossfit information? Shoot, if you want good information, this ain't your site. If you want motivation, come on back.

Workout
Shoulder/overhead press
5/5/3/1/1/1 - 15 minutes 1 rep at maximum weight

Apparently, I was trying to find my max weight that I could only do one of and then I was going to do my WOD with 60% of that weight. Who knew? My max weight was 40 pounds. My 60% was 25 pounds. The WOD was AMRAP (as many reps as possible) in 20 minutes:

10 pull-ups (I did ring pull-ups)
20 shoulder presses at 25 pounds
30 kettle bell swings (I did the second up from the lightest - not sure on weight)
100 m bear crawl

I did 2 rounds in 20 minutes.

You know what got me? The stupid bear crawl. Why was that bear crawl so hard? Jason said I could step down to 50M but I had already done 100M once and I was determined to finish 2 full rounds. You see, there is something about me you should know. I will say, "No" if I honestly can't do something. I'll try and then say no. However, if I can do it but it is hard, I will keep trying until I finish or you tell me to stop. That last 50m of bear crawl was mental. I didn't want to do it. It wasn't that I couldn't. I just didn't want to do it. You know what, "TOO BAD. Do it anyway." I finished it - with my new friend, Kelly, cheering me on. Thanks Kelly!

There are so many parallels with what happens in and out of the gym. I don't want to feel toxic today. I want to go eat some sugar, ice cream, and pasta and stop working out so I don't feel toxic anymore. I won't though because I know this toxic feeling is the step before I feel great. Eating junk feels good in the moment but I feel much worse in the long term. I don't want to feel toxic today but I am not going to give up because I know I can do it. When my body screams to stop, I will say, "Too bad. We are going to do it anyway....because we can."

Progress

Today's WOD was (my modified version):

100M Walking Lunges (no weight for me, others used overhead weight)
10 Modified Burpees (um, this was basically me falling on the ground and getting back up)
10 Toes to bar (for me, this was reverse sit-ups)
10 Tire Flips
250M Rowing
AMRAP 30 minutes

Since Crossfit only counts completed rounds, I did 2 rounds. I actually did 2.50 rounds in 30 minutes. I'm just proud I kept going.

This is the third week and I am seeing progress:

1. I have been doing chest presses rather than push ups for warm-ups (not strong enough yet and my knees kill from the extra weight on knee push ups). I have been warming up with 12 pounds - super light this morning so I bumped up to 15. I know that's no big deal but it totally pointed out that I'm gaining strength.

2. I am no longer scared of the rowing machine. I can actually row and then stand up and walk.

3. My range of motion is improving on my squat. I can get much lower and keep my balance.

4. My diet is super clean and I feel great. It took me about this long to clean it up but am looking forward to the improvements moving forward from the combination of clean eating and Crossfit.

I hope I can make it five times this week!

Sunday: Perfect for a Walk

I need to take walks with Crossfit. They help to loosen up my muscles and give me a chance to burn a few extra calories on an off day. Yesterday, I had to rest all day. I needed a day with no physical activity - well, nothing but cleaning. I am ready for tomorrow.

I need to start documenting my work-outs here..but they are so hodge-podge right now that I'm not sure how much sense they will make to anyone. I'll figure it out.

Looking forward to the new week.

Delicious and Paleo-o-o

Last weekend I visited my family and we had lobsta. YUMMM. My Mom made a couple of dips and one was delicious and Paleo friendly. I decided to make it as a salad instead of a dip, but you could use it as a dip and serve it with tortilla chips (not Paleo, sad) or on any kind of sliced veggie that is strong enough to double as a chip.

This came from Lindy Leigh on Tasty Kitchen. Just like to give credit where credit is due!

********************

Fresh Cucumber and Shrimp Salsa

Start with 1 pound of cocktail size shrimp (called salad shrimp avail in freezer section) - thaw, drain, pat dry and place in a bowl.

Dice and add to bowl:
1 whole English cucumber
3 whole firm roma tomatoes
2 whole jalapenos (do not forget to seed them and wash your hands after)
2 whole avocados

Chop and add to bowl:
1/2 cup of cilantro

Measure and add to bowl:
1/4 teaspoon cumin
1/4 teaspooon oregano
1 teaspoon salt (or to taste) - I used less because the shrimp is fairly salty
Juice of one lime

Mix it really well. Refrigerate for one hour. Serve as suggested above.

NOTE: Just in case you don't know, avocado browns quickly once cut. Here's a little trick. Put the avocado in right before you pour in the lime juice. Coat the avocado well with the lime juice and toss. The lime will slow the browning process. You can also toss your two avocado pits in the bowl - they also help prevent browning, too (keep that in your files for future use - it's a free tip!)

I cut the recipe in half and just ate a third of it for lunch . Delicious!

A 90 Pound Revelation

When you gain weight, you do it gradually - one taco at a time. Sure, there were crisis moments when I gained 20 pounds quickly, but most of it was a pound here and a pound there. Before I knew it, I was 100-110 pounds overweight. The process is so incremental that you don't realize how much work your body is doing. If you work in an office, your life is so sedentary that you don't move enough to know how difficult it is.

There were only three ladies at Crossfit this morning. We had to (as a team) drag a 90 pound sled for 250 meters. It was HARD. There were so many stops and starts. It took us a long time and a lot of hard work but we got it around the parking lot. It dawned on me half-way around, "Bethany, this is what your body is working against every day. It takes three women all of their effort to move this weight across the parking lot." No wonder obesity leads to so many debilitating diseases. My organs, joints, muscles, and bones are straining every single day the same way we did around that parking lot.

Crossfit is hard. Really hard. I can't do 98% of what they do in there, but day in and day out, I drag a 90 pound weight around my life. Changing my life is worth it. Who wants to carry the Crossfit sled everywhere they go? Also, I will never look at an overweight person (including myself) working on their fitness in the same way, again. It is a helluva hard task to drag that weight into the gym and to at least try the things other people are doing. I am looking forward to the day I can drop the weight off the moment I drop the rope to that sled.

Good Cop/Bad Cop

I encountered the type of trainer I was hoping I could avoid at Crossfit. The guy who is slightly annoyed at your lack of fitness who covers it with a smirk. He's there. I wouldn't be honest if I didn't share that here. He pushed me. Some of it was good. Some of it was not.

I got a little confused because my other trainer told me to stop running until I take off more weight. This trainer thought that was absurd and wanted me to run anyway. I respected him and ran as much as I could. However, I will ask for clarification.

Part of his style I respect. I honestly tend to think I can't do things physically and then I do it and am surprised I can. I like it when people push me. I like to push myself. There were times today that I really enjoyed him not backing down. Other times, I felt my form was really off and I was doing things that could have led to an injury.

Today felt like Good Cop/Bad Cop. Thank you, bad cop - I am ready for good cop to come back. I can see bad cop being beneficial in bursts but I truly feel like I am going to be in the best shape and become the strongest working with the good cop. Regardless of which cop shows up, I am going to be there...

The Board

I love the white board at Crossfit. Whoever came up with that concept is a genius. Well, at least for me. When I am done working out, I don't really care what the board says because I am sweating and my blood is surging through my well-worked muscles. However, I pop on the daily blog and there I see how everyone did that day. These people are rock stars. I was WIPED after this work-out - purple faced, sucking wind - and some of these folks did three times as much as I did WITHOUT modifications. If that doesn't inspire you, I don't know what will.

RX means they did it just as prescribed. See, it is about half and half. Half do it as prescribed and others are working their way to that fitness level.

Who knew a whiteboard could be such a powerful fitness tool?

Week 2: May 28-June 3

Hey, that's me over there...doing a deadlift...for the first time...I felt strong until Jason pointed out I was using a training bar...how was I supposed to know the difference? Oh well - GO ME!

*************

What a difference a week makes. I am a little over two weeks into Crossfit and I can see improvement already. It isn’t Olympic style improvement but it is something. I can actually finish the warm-up and want to do more. I haven’t been incapacitated by my soreness this week. I am very aware of most of the muscles in my body but I have my range of motion back. Whew.

One thing I learned this week was the importance of protein in speeding up muscle repair. It really makes a difference. I am eating my share of lean, organic meats and high-quality eggs with a whey protein shake thrown in here and there. I am rebounding faster. They say nutrition is 80% of the battle – and I believe it. We spend 30 minutes to one hour in the gym a day vs. 14-16 hours making food choices. You do the math. A friend recently told me, “It’s a whole lot easier not to eat something than to try to work it off in the gym.” I am finding that to be the truth.

This week I also did something I swore I would never do again. I bought a scale. I won’t bore you with the hell that a scale can bring into my life. However, I do need one to make sure my nutrition is staying in line with my work outs. I don’t want to come out of this heavier (and I have done that before with workout routines). I started at 253 pounds. Today, I am 247.2. 5.8 pounds is a fantastic loss so far. My diet has changed drastically. My life has changed drastically. I eat ‘clean’, I do Crossfit, and I find excuses to be active. I have traded in meeting friends for meals to meeting them for walks. I cook my own food. I choose whole, organic, unprocessed food.

This is how I should eat and move. This is how I want my life to look long term. I have had my share of the other stuff and it has just led to pain and limitations. Isn’t it amazing that we can change what we put in our mouths and how we move to recreate the quality of our lives? That is a blessing – so many people around the world don’t have this opportunity.

As for Crossfit, I am really impressed by our leader, Jason. Today, I ran the parking lot. I felt accomplished. He encouraged me to hold off on running until I get more weight off. I was a little deflated but was also thankful that he isn’t just trying to be the hard core trainer – he’s concerned about my overall fitness. What do I accomplish by training too hard, too quickly and coming out injured? Nothing. He is constantly watching form, coaching, but he is still pushing for best efforts.

There is someone out there right now who has looked at the Crossfit site and has said, “Man, that’s intense. There’s no way I could do that workout.” I am here to tell you that you can. With commitment, consistency, and conditioning, you can do this workout. I know I will improve and as Jason said today, “There will always be something in the gym you have to work up to doing.”

I think the key is overcoming your pride, walking in the door and saying, “I am not there today but I want you to help me get there.” Then, you keep walking in and saying it – day in and day out.

Crossfit Week 1: May 20-27, 2010

(Look over there - my name made the board - even if you do a modified workout, you make the board!)

*****

Can you be 36 years old and still feel like the fat kid in gym class? Absolutely. It happened to me this week when I walked into Crossfit for the first time. Thankfully, the feeling subsided quickly as I was met by a group of encouraging people who are focused on one goal: trouncing the Workout of the Day…and sometimes trouncing is simply completing it. After the first day, I realized I had just one goal: surviving the warm-up. We all have to start somewhere, right?

Thankfully, I quickly remembered that I signed up for this. The state didn’t mandate it. My mother couldn’t sign me out of it. I already know who I am in life and it isn’t an insecure 13 year-old with her last name on her gym shorts. I am a confident 36 year-old woman who is ready to reclaim her abused and neglected body. The gym teacher is no longer an old high school athlete who feels better by making fat kids feel worthless. My Crossfit owner, Jason, is a guy who is for me and my fitness – and he’s going to be in that gym to see it through- one workout at a time.

The ‘other kids’ are on the same journey – although most are further down the road. Every once in a while, one stops, looks and says, “I was back there once. You can do this. Keep it up!” So I do. I push through the pain I feel in carrying 100 extra pounds. I push through the shame I feel at finishing a modified Helen in 20:30. I push through the frustration that I couldn’t walk for 3 days after doing a highly modified version of the Workout of the Day. I push through the fatigue to try one more set. I chose this. I can do this. Even when I don’t believe it, there are other people on the road to remind me that I can.

Was I the fat kid in gym class this week? Yes, but it was a different class entirely – one that reminds me that I have to start somewhere. Thankfully, what I do today impacts who I am tomorrow and one day I won’t be the fat kid in gym class anymore. I will be an athlete. When I am, I will stop, turn around, and look the person behind me in the eye and say, “I was back there once. You can do this. Keep it up!”