Strange Phase

I am in a super strange phase. I am interested to hear if other people go through this phase when losing a lot of weight. I am in that phase where everything is off. My arms have a bit of definition, tons of muscle below the fat, and still a layer of fat on top. As I lose, it goes from strange places so I look lumpy. It isn't that I looked better with more weight on...it was just that my skin was smoother - now it is strange and lumpy. Some of the lumps are muscles and some are where the fat has vacated and the body has yet to refine.

Everything just feels off. I have no sense of my body anymore. It's great to go shopping, but it is also hard. What looked good at one time really doesn't look that great anymore. I have no concept of what size I am. I look for XXL in the regular sizes when I am actually a large. Clothes that show my form (not obscenely, but are more fitted) shock me. They feel odd. Pieces of clothing that never got too big (like underwear, slips, etc...) are now too big. My glasses don't look right anymore and my hairstyle is off. Everything is changing and it is both fun and exciting, but also just plain weird. I never really thought of how it would REALLY feel to change.

I don't think I look that much different, but I am on the edge of becoming a completely different person physically. Fit. Toned. Confident. After a year of Crossfit, I know that is who I am mentally and it is fun to see the body catching up with it. I can't wait to leave the 200s for good. I am hoping with this challenge that I can be out of them by the end of Summer. Once I break that barrier, I will be sliding downhill to goal...

It's funny...it's like lifting. If you count up all the weight everytime you add weight, you psych yourself out. Instead, just add 5 or 10 pounds depending on how the previous weight felt and let the chips fall where they may. It's the same with the weight loss. I had to stop focusing on my final goal months ago. Now it is just the 5 or 10 pounds I am on - and then I can look back and say, "WOW! I lost 100 pounds." Oh yes, I also want to hit 50 pounds because my sister will the come visit me and take me shopping! YAHOOOO!!!

Year over Year Comparison

Here I am deadlifting last year in June....



Here I am deadlifting today.


The angles are different so it is really hard to tell a difference....I obviously like blue shirts...and the angle is like at hip level on the second one...I need a do over shot!

I Am Still Here!!!

Don't worry, I haven't fallen off the wagon or the face of the earth. This is just a CRAZY time for me - June every year is off the charts busy. I am on a 42 day Paleo challenge with my friends from Crossfit. It is so much better when other people are involved. I am still at 220 exactly. I hope this is the week I break through that number and start the downward decline out of the 200s. My eating is tight. My workouts are intense and I am ready to see some results.

Tonight my Crossfit celebrates 2 years in business. They are booming now. Why? It works! It really, really works. In honor of the anniversary, we are having a Paleo cook out. Should be a lot of fun. I am looking forward to some time to socialize with these folks. They are people who I really enjoy. My only regret with Crossfit is this- I waited so long to try it out!

Sure, every single day I have that, "Oh goodness, what are they going to throw at me? Why did I pay to do this? I'm going to die" feeling...but I don't die - I do it and I move on with my day. I accomplish more mentally and physically before 7 than I ever have before.

Last night I watched a DVR'd episode of Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition. I love that they follow them for a year, but am still not a fan of the excessive cardio they do. Regardless, I love hearing the trainer talk to them. Last night's makeover recipient was sexually abused. He said, "You need to stop punishing yourself for something that wasn't your fault. That is what you are doing everytime you eat." He also addressed the crap food in the house he kept bringing back in (I tend to do this with one item each shopping trip). He said, "This food created the prison you are now living in. It is the ENEMY. Why would you let it back in your home?" WOW! I do have to say that not having something bad in my house definitely keeps me from eating it.

I will try to get some more pictures up soon!

It Works, It REALLY Works

I cannot tell you how great it feels to see results. Real results. Hardcore results. Like my butt. It used to be a shelf and now there is a soft slope from my back into my butt and from my butt into my thighs. WHAT?! My butt has shrunk so much that my stomach now looks big. Come on body, start taking from the hips and stomach. YOU CAN DO IT!!!

No, really, the changes are amazing. I love Crossfit. It feels like a miracle and that is just because I have amnesia about all the hard work!

If you have a chance to join Crossfit. DO IT! Really do it. Commit long term. You will see changes you won't believe!