Monday, June 20, 2011

Strange Phase

I am in a super strange phase. I am interested to hear if other people go through this phase when losing a lot of weight. I am in that phase where everything is off. My arms have a bit of definition, tons of muscle below the fat, and still a layer of fat on top. As I lose, it goes from strange places so I look lumpy. It isn't that I looked better with more weight on...it was just that my skin was smoother - now it is strange and lumpy. Some of the lumps are muscles and some are where the fat has vacated and the body has yet to refine.

Everything just feels off. I have no sense of my body anymore. It's great to go shopping, but it is also hard. What looked good at one time really doesn't look that great anymore. I have no concept of what size I am. I look for XXL in the regular sizes when I am actually a large. Clothes that show my form (not obscenely, but are more fitted) shock me. They feel odd. Pieces of clothing that never got too big (like underwear, slips, etc...) are now too big. My glasses don't look right anymore and my hairstyle is off. Everything is changing and it is both fun and exciting, but also just plain weird. I never really thought of how it would REALLY feel to change.

I don't think I look that much different, but I am on the edge of becoming a completely different person physically. Fit. Toned. Confident. After a year of Crossfit, I know that is who I am mentally and it is fun to see the body catching up with it. I can't wait to leave the 200s for good. I am hoping with this challenge that I can be out of them by the end of Summer. Once I break that barrier, I will be sliding downhill to goal...

It's funny...it's like lifting. If you count up all the weight everytime you add weight, you psych yourself out. Instead, just add 5 or 10 pounds depending on how the previous weight felt and let the chips fall where they may. It's the same with the weight loss. I had to stop focusing on my final goal months ago. Now it is just the 5 or 10 pounds I am on - and then I can look back and say, "WOW! I lost 100 pounds." Oh yes, I also want to hit 50 pounds because my sister will the come visit me and take me shopping! YAHOOOO!!!

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