There's No Crying in Crossfit

I had a BIG baby move in Crossfit today. I have been there 9 months and have yet to try a pull-up - assisted or otherwise. We were waiting for my weight to drop. Try pulling up 255 pounds. Not an easy task. Wel, now that I am at 220 pounds, my trainer wanted to see if I could do it with a black band. No lie, I was excited. It felt like some sort of a vote of confidence that maybe, just maybe I had improved to the point of a pull up. Realistically, I think he's struggling with things for me to do with my whacked out back. So, where did the baby part come in? I finally got my foot in the band and I was scared to drop down off the box - to hang there before pulling up. I was on the low bar so I was MAYBE two feet from the ground. WHAT IN THE WORLD?! When I finally did it, it was no big deal. Oh, don't get me wrong, I could not pull myself back up...but it wasn't scary. Why was I scared? That, my friends, is the legacy of being fat and honestly something that I think holds a lot of heavy people back from trying new things. I have never been able to hoist myself up because I always weighed much more than my feeble body could carry. It is that moment of 'I am going to do something that is going to horribly embarass me and further highlight that I'm the fat kid here.' There is also the element of 'I am going to hurt myself because I am going to plummet to the ground like a lead balloon'. Crossfit is probably the first place that I have been given encouragement to overcome that mindset. My favorite moment was when I said I was scared and Jason said, "At least you aren't being shot at right now." Talk about perspective folks. I responded, "Frankly, that might help right now." I was thinking that if someone was shooting, no one would be paying attention to the fat girl about to fall off the pull up bar. Jason is honestly the first person who has understood that not being able to do something isn't just laziness. It is an actual issue of moving that amount of weight without the proper conditioning/preparation. I'm not sure my body will ever be able to pull up 220 pounds. I am going to need to lose more body weight while I simulataneously train my muscles. It will be a combination of the two that will get me there. I moved over to the rings and used some leg assistance to start the pull up motion. I had been doing ring pulls and I'm pretty sure that part of my back is STRONG. Now, I need to work on the part that is engaged in the pull up motion. It'll take work but I'll get there. It's just like the push up. I couldn't do a push up to save my life when I started (knees, no knees, anything) and I have been able to do three real push ups - man push ups. Anything is possible with perseverance!