Sludge

Today, I felt like my body was sludge. The workout was SO hard. Yesterday, great. Today, pain. The human body is so interesting.

I haven't been on the scale in a few days. It was stuck for a few days and I got frustrated and started eating crazy stuff so I have stayed off of it. You would think a stuck scale would make me eat right. Unfortunately, years of dieting and disordered thinking have created insanely illogical patterns in my mind. If I lose weight, I eat better. If I gain weight, I want to give up and eat what I want. Why should I eat well if I am going to stay the same or gain weight? I should just eat whatever I want. Surely you can see the breakdown of logic here, right?

I am going to stay off the scale until August 11th when I get my bodyfat tested, again. Oh how I hope I see some good numbers. I honestly don't see the changes. Other people say they do. I feel them in the gym. I have lost three pants sizes and one cup size on my bra. I can feel the muscle in my arms, but my arms just look pudgy - not a lot of fat has budged there. I am melting in really weird places. My wrists. My rib cage. My butt. This is the first time I have lost like this. Here's to hoping it hits the belly, arms, hips, and legs soon!

I feel like I have been doing this for years but it hasn't even been three months yet. I have to be patient. One day at a time.